(Full disclosure: Yankees suck; Derek Jeter drinks wine coolers; year 2000 and all those I’m-a-Sox-fan prerequisites. You should approach this with the understanding that I’d offer to buy George Steinbrenner a drink, but I’d take him to a bar that only serves Zima.)

I was ready to write about this about four times last week, and I just never got to it.

Now, though, I finally have material.

By now you know the story: Ray breaks Yankee wrist. Shelley Duncan goes spikes up sliding into second. Melky Cabrera punches a Ray. MLB has doled out suspensions — three games each to Spikes Duncan and Cabrera, as well as two games to the Rays’ Jonny Gomes.

Now, the suspended Yankees kindly request — nay, demand! — to have accountability stripped away from them. Spikes says that the League will surely change its mind if they only hear him out — you know, they’ll understand once they hear his side of the story.

Melky has an even better argument for his appeal though: “I didn’t hit nobody.”

Of course, by simply manipulating the truth using coy double negatives, he’ll certainly win his appeal and be playing on opening day against the Blue Jays, yes?

Most likely not, but it’s always fun to see drama befall the Yankees before the season’s even started.

A quick question on your way out the door: A-Rod rises to become the fan favorite this season, right? New Yankee Stadium becomes the House that Jeter and Rodriguez Built, yes?

Tags: jonny gomes, melky cabrera, mlb, new york yankees, shelley duncan, tampa bay rays